#16 Of Loss And Grief: You Only Have To Go Through It Once
About a week ago I posted something on my Whatsapp status. It read “My lowest moment was when I was throwing up, kneeling over a toilet in a club in foreign country and begging Mphatso to listen to me talk about my dead father.” I don’t like to share personal details all that much because 1) they are personal lol 2) I always think everybody else has their own shit going on- they don’t need me piling on my stuff on top of theirs. However I felt the need to share in particular because I thought someone might need to hear it.
Does someone need to know what a lightweight I am? Not what I mean. I continued the post as “Low moments are low but they don’t last for long. I think mine was just a couple of minutes, maybe 3, maybe 5.” Do you know line from “Fault in our stars” that says pain demands to be felt? So feel it. While it demands to be felt, the worst kind of pain does not last very long- it doesn’t last forever.
Think back on the worst kind of pain you felt. Perhaps when you heard of the loss of a loved one. The very first time you heard it, it hurt, it stung, it nearly killed you but how long did that last? I don’t mean the residual pain that stays with you years after. I mean the initial pain…think about it, it really did not last as long as we let ourselves think.
I ended the post by saying “Low moments don’t last forever. Once you have gone through it, that’s it. It never has to happen again.” See, pain and grief are not recurring things. Yes, we lose a lot along the journey of life but no two losses are the same. Ever! That is the silver lining I am going for here, whatever loss you have suffered, you never have to endure again. You will never have to feel a pain like that again. You only get to lose a person once because there is only one of that person. And once they are gone, that’s it. Nothing else can hurt you in the way that losing them did.
This isn’t a formula for grief-I am possibly the unhealthiest griever on the planet. This is just me saying it gets better. I swear. I’m not going to put a timeline on it because it doesn’t work like that. All I saying is it will get better.
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